Let's revist these pix ... just how low do you think Lindsay could go with that? -- the deep knee bend, I mean ...

1) John Mayer's cuter than I thought (but it ruins it when I picture his contorted singing face)
2) It's kinda cute that he shops at Pottery Barn
3) It's definitely cute that he drives a Porsche Cayenne Turbo S
4) What the hell kinda couple are he and Jessica Simpson? The just don't match!

Check out the ad we just found tucked away in the back of Celebrity Romance Weekly - sound like anyone you know?

Rich single mother seeking SWM for late-night chats and pharmacy trips. Must love children, Taco Bell, and X17. Enthusiasm for wigs a major plus. Turn-offs include panties, rap music, and animal-rights activists. Threesomes a definite possibility!

You think Brandon's a match? We just dug up this clip of the couple having an intimate chat outside a house party in the Hills last Friday night.

With all the high-octane tabloid-worthy activity certain celebrities have been up to lately, it's nice to see a couple just being plain ol' boring - like Halle Berry and boyfriend Gabriel Aubry, who we spotted simply walking and talking in Hollywood. We couldn't get close enough to hear the subject of their conversation, but we're guessing it had something to do with Halle's humongous sweater!

Ever notice how all the popular kids travel in packs? With Paris back with Nicole, and Britney hanging w/Brandon, Lindsay's been often left to her own devices. (Ok, the girl's never really alone, but does dragging your mother around to the clubs with you really count?) Lindsay showed up without the A-List to Guy's on Tuesday night and then again to the house party last night! It might just be a good thing for Lindsay to distance herself from all the other starlets, maybe she can stay out of trouble for at least 24 hours!

Throwing her private parts all over the place, feuding and then quickly reuniting with Lindsay Lohan, laughing at all of Brandon Davis' jokes - with every passing day, Britney Spears' behavior gets more and more Parisian! Heck, at this rate the student's going to surpass the master soon enough - we just turned up these photos of Britney on the patio at Teddy's with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in another! (But she might want to start emulating Paris' sense of self-control when the media's around - after all, Paris may have her vices, but think about how rarely anyone's cameras catch her with a cigarette in her hand!)

Paris was spray-tanned, glittered, and pushed-up (check out that cleave!) last night for a late-night rendez-vous at the Grove with Stavros (she met up with him after saying goodbye to Nicole). I dunno about you, but in the 8th grade, wearing a boy's picture in a locket around your neck meant a serious commitment - or at least that the two of you were "going together"! Have the two given up drunken hook-ups with random people and agreed only to drunkenly hook-up with each other?

Looks like Entourage star/ex-Hilton-boyfriend Kevin Connolly's got a type - we spotted him leaving the club Tuesday night with a flaxen-haired friend! Of course, as soon as he spotted us spotting him, he went into damage-control mode - our photographer reported that the couple dropped a loud, exasperated s-bomb and put some distance between themselves!

Gabrielle Solis may be getting a divorce on TV, but Eva Longoria's personal life is officially going in a different direction - People.com is reporting that Eva Longoria is finally ready to play Housewife to Tony Parker! The pair confirmed their engagement earlier this morning through Eva's publicist - although given Eva's steadfast devotion to #9, the news hardly comes as a surprise!

The Godfather's daughter and boyfriend Thomas Mars (from the French group Phoenix) welcomed a baby girl Tuesday in Paris. This video of Sofia shopping for baby clothes in Paris was taken one day before little Romy was born! Congrats to the happy couple.

While Britney partied with Brandon and Lindsay (Is that some kind of statement on Brit's part? Is her love affair with Paris over?), Paris and Nicole reunited for dinner in Beverly Hills before heading over to a house party - our cameraman says it was Benny Medina's house (Nicole's manager). When Paris was with Britney, it was clear that she was the one in the driver's seat in that relationship - but with these two, I'm not sure anyone is behind the wheel! It's like hanging out with Dumb and Dumber as first Nicole loses her Valet ticket, then they girls follow each other to the wrong house!

And what's with those bruises on Paris' knuckles? Did she she get into a fist fight with someone recently? I can't imagine who!

Could Britney Spears' newfound friendship with Paris Hilton be coming to a close already? Frankly, we're starting to worry - first reports of Britney pulling out of her co-hosting duties of the Billboard Music Awards with Paris start to surface, and now we start catching them dividing up their friends! First up on the auction block - Brandon Davis? Yes, we caught Britney leaving Teddy's late last night with the oil heir and stayed with them all the way to the party in the Hollywood Hills they were attending. But the really crazy part? Paris never showed up at the party - but Lindsay Lohan sure did!
So just what did Paris get up to last night? Well, you'll just have to wait for our next update - but we can definitely tell you that Britney wasn't involved!

No, the color on your screen does not need to be adjusted. Yes, Britney went to the drugstore at noon and she just went back two hours ago! Britney must be bored ... What could she possibly need that she couldn't send an assistant out to get? Face it, people, she's loving the media attention right now, and rightfully so! She's young, free, and single, looking good, and having fun.

Britney Spears may have a knack for getting herself into all kinds of trouble - so it's hardly a surprise to see the Kevlar Cajun picking up cleaning supplies herself rather than sending an underling to the store in her stead! We spotted Britney leaving a Malibu CVS with a full load of paper towels (and a copy of People - can't forget the essentials!) earlier today - given that the Spears household features two small children these days, she was probably just stocking up!

Paris Hilton and Jigga reunited - doesn't it just make you want to throw up? Well, apparently Paris was able to suppress her nerves (et cetera) last night at Hyde, because both she and Jay-Z managed to show up and leave without incident - although Paris seemed a little gun-shy about exiting in front of the cameras. Hova, meanwhile, took off on foot for Privilege - good thing he wore his walking shoes instead of his sandals, huh Cam'ron?

This morning on The View, everyone's favorite sh*t-starter, Rosie O'Donnell invited Britney to "ditch the idiots" (referring to Paris and Lindsay) and come live with Rosie's family! At first, doesn't really seem like the haiku-blogging lesbian and the pop princess would have much in common, but upon closer inspection, I think they might get along just fine! They both worship (or did at one time) Madonna, they both like to walk around barefoot...this could be just the thing Britney needs right now!

As promised, here's our footage of nu-hottness Britney in action - like we said earlier, in order to effectively gauge how cute she really is, you really do need to see her bouncing around and thanking everyone! (Still, though, she might have bounced around a little too enthusiastically - as you'll see after the jump, Britney ended up having another underwear-related accident last night!)

Dear Paris:

You usually look so put together. If there's one thing you work really hard at, it's your image! So why the prison stripes? Why the Boy George hat? And why, for the love of God, red socks with an otherwise monochromatic outfit?

Concerned,

X17

One in her hand, and one strapped to her belly (she's playing a pregnant woman in the film Rendition, co-starring Jake Gyllenhaal)! Isn't it amazing how she even glows as a fake pregnant woman?

More pix inside:

Eva Longoria and Penelope Cruz hit the shops on trendy Robertson Blvd. yesterday (they weren't together, but they were there at the same time) and caused quite a commotion! Eva was gracious as ever (although she remained tight-lipped on our questions about Britney & Mario). Penelope was a bit more "spirited", shall we say, in our video!

Para nuestros amigos en el mundo Latino:

Eva Longoria y Penelope Cruz fueron de compras ayer en Robertson Blvd. (no fueron juntos, pero al mismo tiempo!) Eva estuve muy agradable como siempre (aunque no responde a nuestros preguntas sobre Britney y Mario), pero Penelope fue molestada en el video!

You wanna talk about a competitor? We ran into Michael Jordan out on the links in Miami Beach yesterday, and even with our shutterbugs snapping away, he still managed to hit that ball harder than Steve Kerr!

After the many ups and downs for Lindsay in the past few days, yesterday was fairly calm for our favorite Drama Queen. After a quick trip to a make-up F/X house in the valley (?) she jetted over to the Neil George salon to get her hair done. Then, it was off to Guy's for a little karaoke, where Lindsay sat outside the club reading the Hollywood trades for several minutes before entering the club! Was she looking for inspiration for a song choice? Or is she just trying to appear more studious after all the craziness of the last few days?