Considering how pretty AND personable Jessica Simpson is, we here at the X17 Celebrity Matchmaking Desk (a subdivision of our Office of Baseless Speculation) have had just about enough of her single status - so we ran her through our patented Match-O-Tronic system and came up with a few prospective matches! There are still a few kinks to work out (damn thing keeps kicking out results of guys with, y'know, wives or girlfriends or such), but if nothing else, they should cheer Jessica up - after all, it's nice to have proof that everyone's got a match out there somewhere!
Maybe if she changed her name to "Jennifer", Jess might be able to make time with Ben Affleck...
Between the Bible and tongue-extension tricks, Jessica and Mel have plenty of common ground!
And we've got more after the jump, so click on through!
Jessica Simpson and Robbie Williams have plenty in common besides music!
Nobody wants Chris Kattan.
Well, we know Jessica loves to laugh...
Gary Busey?! Uh, get the wrench - I think the machine's on the fritz...
*BAM*CRASH*BANG*BOOM*
That's more like it - after all, we already know she likes guys from boy bands!
Our suggestions, of course, are all in good fun - but if Jessica doesn't start getting out there, we may have to step in again!
Comments (23)
What about another girl???
www.gentletip.com
www.gentletip.com
Posted by GentleTip.com | November 14, 2006 11:57 AM
Posted on November 14, 2006 11:57
THIS BITCH IS SUCH A LOSER. LONELY, BORED, JEALOUS.
FLOPPED MOVIE, FLOPPED ALBUM [HORRIBLE ALBUM SALES].
LITTLE SISTER IS A BETTER LOOKING AND BIGGER STAR. NICK HAS MOVED ON AND HASNT SAID 1 BAD THING ABOUT HER OR THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT SHE FEELS THE NEED TO CALL HIM A SISSY AND SAY HE WASNT MAN ENOUGH 4 HER BLAH BLAH BLAH... HE'S THIS, HE'S THAT.
THIS BITCH PUT ON HEELS AND STEPPED ON HIS ALBUM AND BROKE IT INTO PIECES. LMAO
THIS BITCH IS A LAME. WHO CANT GET A FUCKING DATE
Posted by FUG FACE MANISTON | November 14, 2006 12:07 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 12:07
you guys are retarded-everyone knows she is a tranny
Posted by trudy | November 14, 2006 12:08 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 12:08
Gary Busey and Jessica Simpson forever!
Posted by Garssica | November 14, 2006 12:45 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 12:45
I think she might have a man stashed in her oversized handbag.
Posted by sarah | November 14, 2006 1:05 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 13:05
THIS BITCH IS SUCH A LOSER. LONELY, BORED, JEALOUS.
FLOPPED MOVIE, FLOPPED ALBUM [HORRIBLE ALBUM SALES].
LITTLE SISTER IS A BETTER LOOKING AND BIGGER STAR. NICK HAS MOVED ON AND HASNT SAID 1 BAD THING ABOUT HER OR THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT SHE FEELS THE NEED TO CALL HIM A SISSY AND SAY HE WASNT MAN ENOUGH 4 HER BLAH BLAH BLAH... HE'S THIS, HE'S THAT.
THIS BITCH PUT ON HEELS AND STEPPED ON HIS ALBUM AND BROKE IT INTO PIECES. LMAO
THIS BITCH IS A LAME. WHO CANT GET A FUCKING DATE
Posted by FUG FACE MANISTON | November 14, 2006 1:17 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 13:17
THIS BITCH IS SUCH A LOSER. LONELY, BORED, JEALOUS.
FLOPPED MOVIE, FLOPPED ALBUM [HORRIBLE ALBUM SALES].
LITTLE SISTER IS A BETTER LOOKING AND BIGGER STAR. NICK HAS MOVED ON AND HASNT SAID 1 BAD THING ABOUT HER OR THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT SHE FEELS THE NEED TO CALL HIM A SISSY AND SAY HE WASNT MAN ENOUGH 4 HER BLAH BLAH BLAH... HE'S THIS, HE'S THAT.
THIS BITCH PUT ON HEELS AND STEPPED ON HIS ALBUM AND BROKE IT INTO PIECES. LMAO
THIS BITCH IS A LAME. WHO CANT GET A FUCKING DATE
Posted by FUG FACE MANISTON | November 14, 2006 1:17 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 13:17
you guys are retarded-everyone knows she is a tranny
Posted by trudy | November 14, 2006 1:17 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 13:17
Who really cares??
Posted by michelle s | November 14, 2006 1:48 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 13:48
Rumor in Dallas is that Jessica will be here this Sunday for the Dallas Cowboys game because she and Tony Romo (the new QB for the Cowboys) are an item... If you remember a few weeks ago during a Cowboys game the announcers said that Tony's celebrity crush is on Jessica Simpson... since then supposedly his people called her people and here we are...
Can anyone find some truth to this?
Posted by Texas Girl | November 14, 2006 2:28 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 14:28
Who really cares??
Posted by michelle s | November 14, 2006 2:58 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 14:58
Who really cares??
Posted by michelle s | November 14, 2006 2:58 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 14:58
Who really cares??
Posted by michelle s | November 14, 2006 2:58 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 14:58
How about John Stamos? They would have to fight over Ken Paves, Jessica's hair guru.
Posted by miss_kitty | November 14, 2006 3:06 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 15:06
Jessica jessica
http://exposed-celebs.blogspot.com/
Posted by celeb gossip | November 14, 2006 3:29 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 15:29
Fug Face Manniston you are hilarious! I agree with you on most things except that fat little gnome Nick! He is always being described by many women as some saint or something, like he didn't do any wrong in that marriage. He did just as much damage if not more to be in the predicament he is in now! If I was Jessica I would have divorced his ass too, if he compared me to other entertainers and actresses,he took her for granted. Well moving along, she is jealous of Ashlee now that she is truly the pretty sister now,it took a nosejob from a skilled plastic surgeon to set her apart from her dumb ass sister.She has done many things to prove she is jealous of Ashlee, yet her ignorance irks the hell out of me! Well if she doesn't get her nose fixed, Joe will be in the poorhouse, and she will be stuck with stupid!
Posted by Fifi | November 14, 2006 4:07 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 16:07
How about John Stamos? They would have to fight over Ken Paves, Jessica's hair guru.
Posted by miss_kitty | November 14, 2006 4:16 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 16:16
Geez Maniston I think you are just jealous - Jess is gorgeous and has an amazing voice. Yes, she can be ditzy at times, but compared to the trash floating around Hollywood these days (ie: Parasite) she's a class act. Everyone has ebbs and flows in their career and she'll bounce back soon. If she was truly jealous of Ashlee she wouldn't bother flying to England to see her perform - fifi is imagining things in that situation. And let's face it - Nick couldn't handle being less successful than Jess and not being the centre of attention. Jessica and Chris Cattan would be so cute and goofy together, but he's missing that HOT factor...maybe a pro athlete would be perfect for her? :-)
Posted by coalharbourqt | November 14, 2006 6:02 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 18:02
wow that first pic is fucking scary is hell .she looks cracked out.COMMENT NOT MEANT FOR LAUGHS IS THE HONEST TRUTH.get it together jess
Posted by Anonymous | November 14, 2006 9:38 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 21:38
Get your facts straight coalharbourqt,first of all Jessica refuses to recognize the truth if it smashed her in her big nose! She tried to take the attention from Ash at her afterparty, according to the Examiner for your information!!She created a scene, and her dad told the startled Ashlee well-wishers that the family were walking on eggshells to make her feel better. He said she was depressed okay!!If you look in Ash's website there is a pic when Jess tried to jump in front of her while the paps was trying to take Ashlee's pic! Now if that is not jealousy then what the hell do you call it!?
Posted by Fifi | November 14, 2006 9:59 PM
Posted on November 14, 2006 21:59
K-Fed is available! Well maybe he isn't anymore... :-P
Posted by c-dawg | November 15, 2006 1:44 AM
Posted on November 15, 2006 01:44
dude shes hot
Posted by derrik | November 15, 2006 6:00 PM
Posted on November 15, 2006 18:00
gotta love her!
Posted by yami | November 15, 2006 6:07 PM
Posted on November 15, 2006 18:07