Are You Going To See Lindsay Lohan In Machete?

Yes, LiLo's first theatrical feature film since 2007 opens this weekend. Finally!

But will anyone go see it? And if they do, will it have anything to do with La Lohan? Let's break it down.

Lindsay co-stars as The Sister (or "April") and, according to Variety, the actress is "boldly cast as a drug-addled, oversexed nymphet." Talk about irony! Of course, LiLo has always been courageous enough to poke fun at herself, and director Robert Rodriguez is keenly aware of that...

But Machete - which also features Jessica Alba and Robert De Niro - already has a built-in audience. Rodriguez has had a cult following since Desperado back in the mid 90s; he's also made a string of B-movie parodies, including Sin City and Planet Terror. That being said, if you're purchasing a ticket simply to see Linds, Rodriguez himself has nothing but high praise for her:

"She's awesome in the movie. She's going to enjoy it a lot," he said. "I think she's got a lot of talent, obviously. So, it's all up to her."

Sure, she might've been persuaded to stay away from the premiere, but still! That has nothing to do with her performance. Right?