Photogs snapped Melanie Griffith nervously smoking in her car yesterday after she was spotted trying to buy concealer to cover up a black eye.

A source tells X17online Xclusively that Melanie ran into the Larchmont Beauty Supply store yesterday afternoon with a big shiner.

"Melanie ran into the store looking like she was wasted on something," says our source. "She was so out of it, she mistook me for a salesman and asked me where the concealer was! As I showed her the makeup section, she rambled on about being a klutz. She bought the concealer I suggested then ran back out to cover up her shiner. As big as it was, I think she needed a lot of it!"

Later, photogs snapped Melanie driving around in the rain, talking on the phone and smoking, before she threw her butt out the window.

If she really is that clumsy, we hope she'll be more careful next time!

William Shakespeare, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Pablo Neruda, those poets have nothing on Heidi Montag!

Montag posted a "poem" on her Celebrity MySpace, proclaiming undying love and devotion to husband Spencer (and of course, Jesus.)

Take a look at just a few of the rhymes she somehow strung together:

Spencer my love my heart my King
You are my world and my everything
I love you more than I could ever express
Especially when I have been such a mess
Every moment with you is beyond a blessing
2010 no more anxiety or stressing
All that matters in this universe is you
God has made us soul mates pure and true
Thank you for every detail you have done for me
You always go above and beyond and its always love I see
The moment I met you changed my world
Some would say it’s been quite the swirl
I love every second of our lives together
With each other we cant get through any weather
I thank God for the miracle of you every day
I could never live life without you and I pray
That it’s only going to get better all the time
All that matters in life is that you are mine

Gag!

See the rest of the "poem" below the cut!

The French community has been rocked by news of the hospitalization of Johnny Hallyday ("The French Elvis") since he was admitted to Cedar Sinai hospital in Los Angeles to fix a botched French surgery on his back.

Hallyday's wife Laeticia and daughter Jade were joined by French stars Charles Aznavour and Nikos Aliagas.

Hallyday's rep confirmed he was in an induced coma, but expects that doctors will pull him out of it sometime early next week.

It's our favorite hot mess, Pamela Anderson, wearing a sweater dress that barely covers her thong while on her way to catch a flight at LAX.

Let's hope she at least packed a hairbrush in her bags!

Despite rumors to the contrary, the first woman named as Tiger Woods' mistress will sadly not be taking it all off for Playboy.

"Rumors that Rachel Uchitel will be appearing in Playboy have been circulating. Those rumors are false,” Rachel said in a statement. “Rachel will not be appearing in Playboy.”

For those of you who WANTED to see Uchitel in various stages of undress, click through our gallery of Tiger's HOttie partying in Vegas!

Now that she's agreed to another $100,000 per episode season of The Hills, Audrina's spreading the love by shopping for X-mas gifts for pals at Chanel, Arcade and Fred Segal!

Speaking of spreading the love, is she flipping us off in that picture???

The revelations into Tiger Woods' insatiable sex habit just keep coming.

Las Vegas madam Michelle Braun (who says Woods' alleged mistresses Jaime Jungers and Holly Sampson were once on her books) claimed she used to supply Tiger with "10 or 15 girls" in one wild weekend.

"He had a pretty big appetite for girls. Never just one girl. He would want to set up a whole weekend of partying and have ten or 15 girls 24/7," she told the NY Daily News, adding that "He liked girl-on-girl. He had sex with them together. He was tough to keep up with - days at a time on a booze and sex bender."

But the escort who was one of his favorites was Playboy model Loredana Jolie (pictured.)

"He went out with her four or five times," Braun said. "She took part in group sex. They met up in 2006 or early 2007. I'd say he paid $15,000 for her."

Though alleged mistresses Rachel Uchitel and Jaime Jungers deny being paid to have sex with Tiger, Braun produced a 1099 that proves Jungers was lying when she said "prostitution claims 100 percent false."

Last month Braun was sentenced to three years' probation for money laundering and transporting a prostitute over state lines.

Kate Hudson (wearing what we expect is faux fur) bundled her boy in camo to brave the chilly NYC weather yesterday.

The California girl seems to be spending a lot of time in New York near her boyfriend Alex Rodriguez, and even though she wouldn't dish on how they met to David Letterman Thursday night, we bet they'll be spending Christmas together this year!

Poor little Ryder, he looks miserable. I bet he's not used to that kind of cold. Is it fair for her to take him 3,000 miles away from home just to be closer to her boy-toy?